Friends and Lovers

I haven’t done this in a while, and I’m sure that this blog will be all over the place.  I’ve written this around 3 or 4 times.  It was focusing mainly on what I consider a man to be the first two, and now I’m at a loss.  Recently, my best friends (who’s male) started dating.  Now he and I have always been a little more than just friends.  No, I don’t mean we’ve been doing anything physical with each other.  It’s more on the personal and mental side of things.  I guess with our relationship, I’ve always pictured us ending up together.  It’s not even that which annoys me really. 

It’s that the women he dates normally don’t like me.  They never speak to or meet me, but they hate me.  They don’t like that we’ll talk for an hour or two.  Hell, they get pissed off if we post on each others myspaces.  So he and I usually end up having to not even speak with one another until the relationship ends, and he can have female friends again.  That REALLY gets under my skin.  I could understand if we were being a bit ridiculous talking about “haven’t seen you in so long, i miss you.”  But we don’t even speak like that to one another.  We make fun of each out.  That’s all.

So I’m gearing up to lose my best friend again for however long.  I know eventually he’ll find a woman he’ll want to settle down with, and I guess at that point we won’t be able to be friends again.  I understand that.  As I know I will eventually as well, but I don’t want to to lose the closeness that we have because significant others interfere.  I really should just blame the girls he dates.  The guys I date hate him too.  lol.  Most of them can’t stand me talking to him, but what can you do?  I’m not dropping a friend for a guy I’ve only been seeing for a month. 

He’s already saying I’m acting weird, but I’m just getting ready to lose the friendship again.  No, it won’t make me cry, but it does feel like there’s something missing when we can’t talk to one another.  So how do you go about being friends with a man while you’re both seeing other people?  Is that possible?

 

**SORRY IF THIS POST MAKES NO SENSE**

The Black Plague of a New Generation

Idiocy :

1.	utterly senseless or foolish behavior; a stupid or foolish act, statement, etc.

2.	Psychology. the state of being an idiot.

I’m not sure if it’s just me, or may be you’ve noticed it to.  But there seems to be a rampant outbreak of idiots running around this country.  No this really isn’t a political blog or manifesto, however I’ve notice some interesting behavior in the past few years.  I’m not sure if it’s because I’ve reached that Golden Age of 25, so I find myself growing up.  Or this is actually a new epidemic.  I’m sure either way, many people will disagree with what I have to say.

I know we’ve all seen the little boys and girls (ages 16-23, sometimes older but still classified as little) running around like they are true gangstas, bosses, whatever.  Now the funniest part about these people is that they are usually kids who didn’t graduate college, never got a degree, and work a dead end 9-5.  I find that to be the most ironic, by the way.  I look at them, feel slightly sorry for their trivial existance and laugh.  Is this really what we are producing as a society?  Is this really what we are about?

I don’t majorily blame media.  I do, but I blame a certain part of it.  Not what you see on the news, but more over I blame music, specifically rap.  No I don’t mean the greatness of what rap used to be, of B.I.G. or Tupac.  I don’t blame the sometimes thought provoking and intellectual Jay-Z, Kanye, etc.  I mean more of songs like Lollipop (yes I jam out to it in the club too, but I take it for face value – entertainment).  There are those out there that believe that’s what life is about, that’s what their life should be.  And it’s appears that it’s become a popular notion to those less educated.  Even people who live that lifestyle (actually live it, not just show it off in videos) do not publicize it like that.  They just live their lives. 

May be I feel this way because rap started as something more pure than other styles of music.  It began as a true, meaningful way to express yourself, to express who you were and how you lived to others.  It was a true art form.  To see it taken from something so uplifting (in my eyes, no matter the harshness of the words or the reality of them, if you truly express yourself, you’ve truly let yourself free. And that’s inspiring) and turned into something so generic, is truely a shame.  No wonder there are tons of little children acting like fools, trying to represent something that no longer seems to exist in the mainstream.  It’s not broadcasted to them as it should be. 

I don’t know how many people have suddenly turned around an shouted “Cause I’m a boss!”  Dude!  You work a 9-5, serving lattes at Starbucks.  YOU ARE NOT A BOSS!  It’s as if this life of just excess has become the major focus.  It’s suddenly become the accepted social behavior tp act like a jerk or a whore.  The more of a bad ass you are, the better you are.  The more people you’ve been with, the better.  The more nights you spend out drinking, the hotter you are.  It’s ridiculous!  I’m honestly scared to see what will happen to these kids.  Will they ever actually mature?  Or will they continue on this path of excess?   

I once watched a girl proudly talk about how many people she’s been with  and the acts she was willing to do.  I watched a guy down so much vodka, he puked on himself and then bought shots for everyone, in turn to scream “I’m still a fucking boss.”  Are you serious?  This is what we have now? 

In my eyes, an honest to God true “boss,” (i hate the term by the way), is one who controls themselves. 

• Somenoe who has their own money and is able to carry his or herself  in style but not having to flash brands or flaunt excessive amounts of jewelry.
• Someone who knows there is something as “too much” – whether it’s alcohol or whatnot
• Someone who can control themselves, knows what he or she can do, and knows how to call it quits when necessary.
• SOmeone who knows they can do it all alone, yet chooses not to.

SOrry for the rant!  Back to work!

So what’s the big deal?

A few months ago a friend of mine told me to pick up this great book “Twilight.”  I just finished reading it last night.  Now I know this book has an amazing following.  Yes, it’s well written, easy to follow, and – at parts – can suck you in.  But it didn’t live up to my expectations. 

I’m not sure if my friend just played it up so much that it couldn’t compare to the idea of the book.  I was told Edward Cullen would ruin my outlook on men.  I don’t quite get the allure.  Yes, he probably is the ultimate bad boy with a good heart (ironic since he’s a vampire), but then again I’ve seen it before in other books.  Look at a Interview with a Vampire by Anne Rice.  Not the same romance style, but still indefinitely a page turner with a great contradictory lead character, the ultimate protaganist and antagonist in his right.

Anway, back to Edward.  I wish there was more danger or more strife.  It would have been great to get more of an inside look into his thoughts.  He would have been a far more complex and interesting character to feel a more emotion into his turmoil.  May be, that’s what is lacking.  More complexity to these almost simple characters (at least to me). 

I also did not need to read the constant discription on Edward’s looks.  While the scene in the meadow was fabulously descriptive, I didn’t need the constant description of how cold or pale or dark his eyes were.  To me, it took up more space than anything else.

I did love the last hundred pages or so.  See now Jasper and Alice are characters that I’d also love to get a closer look at.  Alice is just wickedly delicious.  I constently got teh sense of there being something more to her.  And Jasper, I’d love to get his take on things being the youngest of the family and not having quite the control on his instincts yet. 

I loved the hunter!  Now if only the book had more of that momentum througout!  I also loved Emmett.  He actually did remind me of my older brother. 

One of the things I really did dislike is the time frame.  I felt there really wasn’t one.  I mean it seemed as if she showed up at school, and within a month was in love.  And not just some crush, but a true love.  It was somewhat ridiculous. 

Overall, the book really wasn’t that bad, and while I did point out a lot of my own dislikes, it was enjoyable to read.  I probably will end up reading the second book, but I still don’t get the obsession people have with it.

Now the movie on the other, I think that looks amazing.

It’s definitely going to be a good one.  From what I can tell, there’s a lot more in the movie that was not in the book, but it works.  I can’t wait for it, especially for the fight scene.  It looks much more intense and gripping.  Can’t wait!

Scary, Wonderful, Sickening, and so much more!

I’m jealous. Purely, completely, and absolutely jealous. While most people believe I’m jealous that they have a significant other, it’s not that what so ever. I have had lovers, interests, so it’s not that I’m jealous that they have “another half.” I’ve never been able to fully open myself to someone. I’d love to be able to have the bravery to do so.

I’ve seen friends open their hearts to others time and time again. While it does get harder for them, they’ve never closed themselves off. They’ve never felt that pure and genuine fear. Or at least that’s how it seems. How do they get over it? I always wonder.

I know I’m a control freak. I know I have trust issues. I was controlled for such a long time, giving someone else power over myself. And it scares me to even consider that happening again. Yes it’s something that will always be in my life and will always affect me. I realize this. So how does one get over this? Does anyone have any good tips? Any ideas how to try to control myself, my fears?

Scatterbrained

I sat down, ready to write up my thoughts, but now I’m just staring at a blank screen. Does that happen to anyone else? You feel the urgency to write, and you know what you want to say. You sit down and by the time you sign in, you end up forgetting what had you so impassioned to begin with. Is that just me? Any advice from anyone that may be reading this? What do most people talk about in these things?

I haven’t checked many blogs out, only ones I have to keep up with for work. I don’t plan on on this turning into that type of thing. I’m not sure exactly how much of who I am I should put into this. Do people usually go on about themselves? This is probably so boring. Ha!

I used to think I would grow up to live such an exciting life, and I did for a small period of time. I was working in public relations, was always on business trips or press meetings, conferences, trade shows. I still have the number for one of the editors of O, The Oprah Magazine in my cell phone. But since the economy, my life has become quite boring. I’m not doing secretary work, which is great, just not very challenging. And I realized just how different my life is than what I pictured it to be when I was little. Then again, as a child, I never really knew what I wanted to be. So what can you do? I guess I’m in the perfect spot.

Every morning, I walk into work and there’s so much talk of the economy.  I find it all so, draining.  I’ve always been an optimistic person.  I think we need just one day.  Can someone give the whole country a spa day?  No offense to all the current event gurus out there, but can we have a day off?  I don’t want to hear about the failing economy before my first cup of coffee or before 10:00 a.m.  Is that really so hard to ask?  Give me an hour. PLEASE.

Does anyone ever find that it’s hard to have any sort of meaningful discussion with nearly anyone these days?  Occassionally, one strikes up between friends, and it’s great.  But it doesn’t happen nearly enough.  You talk about the most trivial information possible.  I don’t remember the last time I actually debated or discussed something with a friend.

This is really all over the place isn’t it?  I’m sure if anyone is reading this, they’re probably extremely confused.  I told you I wasn’t sure what I was going to say.  I’m so weird sometimes.

The Great Debate

I hate politics.  It’s plain and simple.  I know there are millions of people who wish they had the opportunity to vote for their leader.  But so much is wrapped up in this election that I find it to be more about the next corner. The more I realize how grand of a scale this election is, the more lost I feel.  Instead of feeling as if I can make a difference, I’m more scared of making the wrong choice.  It didn’t feel that way in the last election I voted in.  So I know this is not the norm.

Issues, issues, issues.  Everyone says to see which guy you have the same values as, who you share the same beliefs with, and who stands on the same side of the issues with you.  Now, this may seem to be a bit cynical, but I recall being taught that there was a series of checks and balances for a reason.  While the president does have the power to veto, ratify, or introduce a bill, he does not have the power to turn it into law.  Only congress has that.  So what does the president actually due?  I often wonder about that, and have come to a very sad conclusion.  Other than a series of meetings with experts and advisors, who ultimately know what’s going down, the president is nothing but a mere figure head.

These meetings are a series of summaries, policies, and current events that he needs to know about when at an event or meeting with other officials and foreign dignitaries and so on.  So what does it matter what the president would like to do with the economy?  He is not the one who will be making the choice.  Look at the presented plan for the Federal buyout at the moment.  The president’s plan was presented to Congress, and they need to give the go ahead.

The issues will never really matter in a presidential election. Not because the other spectacles are more enticing, but simply because the president really has no power over them. Congress holds the key, and Congress is held by lobbyists and investors. Real change will not happen, at least in my eyes. Money is too much of an influence, and no senator or representative wants to lose his or her backing and support.

I guess, all in all, I don’t know what I’m going to do. I don’t know who I’m voting for, and I’m not sure how this will all turn out. All I know is we are in a very volatile state, and either way no one will be happy. So how do you decide between two people you feel aren’t for the job?

The Standard Quid Pro Quo

This is a first for me.  I’m not yet sure what this blog is going to be.  Hell, I doubt people will actually read this.  I haven’t told anyone about it, and I do not plan to tell others about it.  If you’ve stumbled across this page, glad to have you.  I hope you enjoy what you end up finding.  However I started this blog with a differrent purpose than to entertain you with my thoughts.

I’m here soley to get things off my chest.  It’s simply my way of expressing things that I feel I need to talk about.  If you don’t like it, move on and find something else to read.  I don’t promise to shock or entertain.  This is simply for my own benefit.

Thanks for stopping by!